Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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