i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize