At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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