Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
