How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
