If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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