Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
