Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
