Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
