dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
