Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
