that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
try to milk me bitch
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
