when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
