My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
