I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
