you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
