if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize