you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
