the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
