Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
