you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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