Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
