i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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