by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
