So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
