: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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