Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
