Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
