I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
