Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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