you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
