Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
