If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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