Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
