so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
