I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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