This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
