he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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