hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
