Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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