My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
