Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
