You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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