Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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