I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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