I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize