I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
