Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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