Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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