I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
