The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We have started to decorate penises.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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