I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
