on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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