After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
