i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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