Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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