goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
