if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize