So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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