Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
