don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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