Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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