I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
