dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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