i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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