i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
being pregnant is like rehab
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
