there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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