ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
