Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
