One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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