you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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