I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
