You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
