i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
