If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
