Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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