i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize