she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
