Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
