I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize