i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
