were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
