She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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