totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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