Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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