I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
