yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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