I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
