my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize