There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
