this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We left the knife in your bed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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