i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize