I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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