maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
