I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
