i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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