No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize