i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
