mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
