I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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