tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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