She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
