I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
