I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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