I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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