Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize