Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
