I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
