I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
